It’s okay to disagree. Really. It’s just that sometimes disagreements come at the most importune times. I’ve already made up my mind.
Disagreements are often different perspectives on a subject. Emotions can muddy the waters of understanding someone else’s perspective. They can be differences in opinion, which often come with judgmental “fact” and hard positioning.
Before entering a conversation where the possibility of disagreement is high, take a tip from the studies at the Marriage and Close Relationships Lab at UCLA. They found that happy couples reflect first. They listen first rather than barge in and tell the other person what to do. Happy couples ask how they can support each other. They state how they feel rather than lash out and make a board statement about the other person’s “shortcomings.” Instead of saying “You never want to be with my friends” they say something like: “I feel hurt when you don’t join me with my friends.” Lean into “I” statements like: “I feel misunderstood; I could use “X” from you. How can you participate in this request?”
Communication is tricky. Taking the time to learn how to disagree s is key to harboring trusting relationships.