Responsible Stewardship is Key to a Successful Legacy

For families with businesses, there are issues that surface as the family grows and ensuing generations get involved or migrate away from the family business.

Conversations about the business that may have started in the living room at home, moved to the kitchen, then a conference room then to a board room, often become a struggle as families grow and as individual agendas develop. Working well together, across generations, can become tense when visions are not aligned, and responsible stewardship is not defined. Competing and contrasting priorities due to generational differences, ownership positions, and desires for the business as contrasted with desires for the family harmony, surface.

It is not natural to manage such complexity. Like a garden who needs proper care and maintenance to stay healthy, relevant, and vibrant, a family is best served by developing a disciplined and purposed component to their family and family business dealings and becoming responsible stewards of what they are growing and eventually, passing down.

Determining an initial purpose to both the family and family business initially separate the two entities so they can clearly define themselves independently. Agreeing on and articulating the value, vision and mission of each entity across generations is key to being responsible stewards. Adapting and becoming comfortable with change is the responsibility of each generation.

Questions to consider asking at home:
• Who do we want our family to be, as a family?
• What do we want our family to represent in the community?
• What is important to us as a family: what do we believe in? What do we stand for?
Creating purpose, mission, vision and family teams to develop the family’s success goes a long way to sustaining intergenerational trust and sustainability.

Questions to consider asking about the business:
• What is the purpose and mission of the business?
• Is the business meant to develop as a business or build family wealth?
• What do we need to do to support our working together?
• How do we communicate business information so it does not take over or interfere with the family environment?
Knowing the purpose of the business, communicating that to the family, developing trust in leadership development are all critical to successfully passing a business legacy and leadership from one generation to the next.

Leave me a comment on your thoughts or experiences on this important topic. I would be delighted to read your comments.

Do Not Forget the Past; It Provides Mighty Support

When we forget those who have come before, like our great- grandparents, we forget our history. When we forget our history, we must begin again leaving new footprints that are themselves, swept away and forgotten as our great grandchildren look back at photos of us and wonder who we were.

 

Contrast this with those families who have captured, and meaningfully nurture the values and enduring traits of those who have come before them as a pillar to support their own lives today and tomorrow.

 

If you do not care how your family will thrive or if it will drift into a fog of insignificance, your family’s history will play out as it has for centuries for most families. Great grandparents have no meaning, they have been forgotten. New generations start afresh as if nothing came before them.

 

But if carrying on the spark of “what matters most” to your family, as a group of like-minded connected individuals, then your family story is an important element to your family’s success. And you must create that story. It will not create itself.

 

Researchers at Emory University found that “…family stories provide a sense of identity through time, and help children understand who they are in the world.”  When adolescents can see the values and traits they share with past family members, they form a stronger sense of well-being and a stronger sense of identity.  This Emory University study also showed that ​there is real benefit in sharing the stories about where the family came from, both geographically and through their values. Family stories keep families connected through generations by its narrative.

 

Your story, the one that will live on, will include how you met challenges, what successes have meant to you, what values you deem to be important and why and how they have guided you. Your story will describe how you came to value what you do value so those who come after you can understand themselves better by hearing from you. When they understand themselves better, they have more confidence and feel more secure in a world where those without this foundation, struggle to be seen and known.

 

Do you have a family story in your family, one that benefits its members, is shared because it came from the “author’s” experience?  Let me know. I would love to hear your thoughts on this important recommendation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preparation is a Great Inheritance Tool

I have been part of conversation focused on what the best thing to inherit is. Some think it is cash. Some think it is real estate. Some think it is a portfolio of assets to be reinvested. I suggest it is being prepared, being prepared to become stewards of an incoming inheritance.

 

Studies show that for 90% of families where wealth makes it to the 3rd generation, it is gone by the end of this generation. This is not due to a fault of this generation. They are merely responding to a lack of preparation and instead doing what is naturally the course, spend, squander or squabble over the inheritance.

 

Each generation has a unique view and interpretation of its partnership with money and the family. The first generation carries the vision, the passion and focus to build a new company. This generation tends to sacrifice their personal life for the business. They must do so in order to build a successful enterprise.

 

The second generation has a different perspective. They have grown up with explicit or implicit expectations placed upon them to build on the family fortune that often conflict with their own personal objectives. Understandably this can create great friction. Couple this with squabbling that happens between siblings over the purpose of the wealth and there lays a sure recipe for even bigger problems. Studies confirm that 70 % of families lose their wealth by the end of the second generation.

 

For those families, whose wealth makes it to the grandchildren, there is a new perspective. The third generation is farther removed from the creation of the wealth. They are accustomed to being wealthy. From their point of view, having wealth is a birthright. They have never seen or been exposed to the struggle or the reason of making money. They are free to dream and create. They have never had nor needed the tools to build a productive life. They are only familiar with spending money.

In three generations, a family’s past and all its treasures will be lost and forgotten. Memories will fade as new generations spend their precious time scrambling to build a-new.

 

But when a family prepares its present and future for its inheritance, it can grow its bounty. A family who conscientiously grows and develops its assets, is called a legacy family. This is a family where the money as well as the family culture develops and is transferred from one generation to the next with purpose and intention. This type of family uses appropriate systems, tools and activities to stay connected through generations maintaining shared purpose, understanding, and trust. This family becomes a prepared family transferring its wealth with confidence it will grow in the family for generations.

 

Let me know your experiences on preparing inheritances for long term family connection. I would love to hear from you.

How Will You Be Remembered? How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

How do you want to be remembered? How will you be remembered? Is there a gap between the two responses?

If so, identify an element to that gap that you can address and take action on. Then, craft the first action step you can take towards bridging that gap. For example, a woman I spoke with wanted to be remembered as a creator of evocative paintings. When I asked how she would be remembered she said that she would not be remembered as a painter as she kept her paintings in her studio.

Realizing that she would most likely be remembered differently than how she wanted to be remembered, she decided to put a few pieces on walls in her home. She did not stop there. She organized an art show for family and friends. What began as a bridge to gap the distance between how she wanted to be remembered and how she would be remembered became an annual “Get Connected with Art” Show (now celebrating its eleventh year) where select artists, their families and friends came together to share their legacy through art.  Art pieces were sold, auctioned, and given away. This woman is both ecstatic and amazed at what resulted by addressing a gap to her legacy. She will now be remembered for her art…and much more.

How will you be remembered? How do you want to be remembered? Are they aligned? What is the first step you can take to bridge the gap? Let me know your thoughts on this topic.

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There’s Power in This Conversation that Matters

Knowing she was dying, Anne wanted to make sure her children knew who all the people in the pictures were. So, together, she and her two children went through five albums and hundreds of loose photos that reminded Anne of her past, her heritage, the things she did, and the people to whom she was connected by blood, but knew little about.

When I came over to visit, Anne instructed her adult children to show me the pictures on the guest room wall and explain who everyone was in those photos. But her children were unsure of who these people were. Yes, they had listened as their Mom reviewed the pictures with them, but they quickly forgot the information. Most of the people did not mean anything to them. The photos were pictures of the past without anything more to connect the children to them.

When I returned to the room where Anne was spending most of her waking hours, I wanted to help her communicate some of the meaning that these pictures had that she wanted to pass on to her children.

I asked Anne to step back, in her mind, to a time in her life, when she was a little girl, 10 or younger; I could see her expression change as her mind and imagination took her back to her home in Canada. I then asked her to think of someone, a school teacher, a religious teacher, a sports coach, a friend’s parent, an after school organizational leader, someone who had had a tremendous positive impact on her at that time of her life. Without hesitation, a big smile beamed across her face, her shallow eyes began to gleam as she whispered: “Lisa, my best friend.” I asked Anne to describe her friend Lisa and as she did her eyes sparkled with joy and contentment. I asked Anne what powerful positive benefit Lisa had on her back then. Again, without hesitation, Anne gazed into my eyes and boldly stated: “Acceptance. Lisa showed me then, as she always has, the power and possibility of acceptance.” Delving into the value of acceptance for Anne became a powerful compass point in Anne’s life. As she talked about the power and beauty acceptance had had in her own life tears welled up in her eyes. She thanked me for finding a way for her to recognize this.

I, who have known Anne for ten years, felt a shock wave of new understanding as I learned how important acceptance was to Anne. Anne confirmed this by saying acceptance is one of the most important values for her. She smiled. I looked over at her adult children, who had witnessed this conversation and their eyes expressed a sense of amazement as they just understood something profound about their mother they never really knew or understood before.  It was a profound moment of great bonding for all of us.

As tears came to their eyes, the children said: “In this short conversation we have gotten to know our mother so much more powerfully and in ways we will never forget. We can carry the value of acceptance forward, in her honor, in our lives.

Imagine knowing the people in the photographs on the guest wall in this way.  This is where the connection is, not in the scene they are in or the pose they have struck. In this experience, revealed by a few key questions that matter, Anne will be more than a photograph. She will hold something that matters, a value, which her children will honor, perpetuate and pass on to their children.

Isn’t it time to have more conversations that matter?   2015.05.27.Kirkland.Juanita Bay Beach.Water Droplets on Leaf006

The Time Has Come and Yes, I Do Feel Different

I have experienced discrimination. I remember being an early longshore woman in the Midwest, before woman were able to join the union. I was the woman who could last long enough to make it into the union, but the union kept its doors closed to me.

 

I remember being ridiculed for driving a truck, for being intelligent, for wearing pants in college, and for running for office in organizations that had not yet nurtured or cultivated women leaders. I did these things, not to prove a point, but simply because I could.

 

So, today, I have to admit, it does feel different now that a woman will be the official nominee of a major political party in the U.S.  I feel that I and women in general must be taken seriously when we step out of “traditional roles” and contribute talents, skills, perspectives and brain to the fabric of society.

 

This is a great moment, a legacy moment that will carry us, with more grace and confidence and acceptance into the world we shape.

 

We asked for this. We got it. Now we have to take responsibility for what we have created. This is big. It is a legacy moment.

 

Let me know how it feels to you to have a woman candidate of a major party here in the United States. I would love to read your comment.

The Family Mission Becomes the Family’s Valuable Compass

By drafting a family mission statement, you are providing your family a compass to guide it on its journey as a cohesive unit through the years, through individual successes and challenges as a cohesive unit This mission becomes the family’s compass to guide it as a unified unit while also building independent and productive individual lives.

Today it is common to find a break in connection within two generations of a family. Siblings grow up, form their own families and meet up again only on social media and occasional family gatherings. Without a common and shared bigger purpose their connections weaken with the growth of their own lives and families.

Having a common purpose that is actively developed and supported by all members creates bonds of trust and a community of companions that stays connected. Their compass becomes their trusted anchor and guide. It remains steadfast through their lives.

It does not take that much to create a family mission statement. Here is a simple checklist to consider as you guide your family or your clients’ families to staying connected for generations.

  • As a family, identify and talk about your individual as well as your collective values. This provides an opportunity to ask yourself both as an individual and as a family: “What matters most to us?”
  • Determine together the mission of your family. This is the opportunity to ask yourselves, as a family:” What do we stand for?”
  • Create your shared mission statement that, as a unified body, you want to develop with your strong foundation of unified values. This becomes your community compass
  • Discuss how each individual can add meaning to the family’s shared purpose and mission with their strengths and values and actions that strengthen the mission and their bond.

 

Having a family mission sets roots for a family’s heritage and legacy to develop for years and generations to come. It is a rich compass for a family to nurture and perpetuate.  

Leave me a comment with your thoughts on building a family compass by finding its mission. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic

Can You See It? The Family Mountain Moved

In your own family, it can be hard to be seen differently by your adult siblings than how they viewed you when you were young.

Sometimes, adding a new dimension to that view, is tantamount to moving a mountain. Because of this, it took a l-o-n-g time for me to create bridges of communication between remaining members of my family. But it was important for me to do so. Because of the work I do with individuals and families, guiding them to stay connected for generations, I wanted to bring the same tools to my own family.

We are very competitive, very stoic, very aloof, and somewhat questioning of each other’s motives. This makes for a very challenging environment to talking about family purpose, connection and legacy. The family is able to dismiss the subject in a short dismissive conversation, one that goes like this: “We don’t need to do that. We’re fine. Others can do that if they want. We know what we stand for and if one of us doesn’t, they’ll figure it out.”

I knew my family would be one of the toughest families to bring together for anything other than the customary family events but after a conscientious many year building of trust, safety and deeper connection, the remaining 3 branches to the trunk are beginning to communicate with each other. Wow, what an experience this is. From not being able to recognize a sibling in a lineup of three, to communicating by letter, phone, and social media, is a tremendous change. From not acknowledging each other to asking about each other’s well-being is a huge breakthrough. From not being in the same room together for years to hosting an easy pre dinner social, the family is beginning to talk. And now, we may even have a gathering to put the family story together for future generations.

The mountain is moving…at least in our family. It was worth the focused attention to bringing the family back together.

Is your family preserving or resurrecting its connection? Leave a comment on what’s going on in your family.

Thank You for Being Part of My Fulfilling Year

Reflecting

 

Thank you for who you are to me—people of grace and profound commitment to bringing a richer weave to the fabric of life-your own and the world around you.

 

When I reflect on you,

You who have deliberately chosen to direct your lives

Purposefully and with great meaning

I see shimmering stars lighting my path

I see the beauty of persistence and determination in you.

 

As I think of you

I feel the essence of the freedom you feel

When enduring strength and power replace your initial fears and doubt.

I am touched by your commitment to being your best

With your Legacy, your Life and your Money

 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

We welcome your comments

The Annual Family Letter, Try It You Might Like It

Most people travel to family celebrations for their annual holiday events. They bring with them new gifts, new stories, and familiar smiles. The celebration is fun yet temporary, a moment together. Eventually memories of the conversations and the rush of seeing each other are taken over by life’s daily demands and schedules. The events fade into an archived folder called “the past”, stored somewhere in the brain. And the intentions you had last year to have more meaningful and more together time with everyone as a group, fade into tomorrow’s pile of things to do…next time.

But some families do things a little differently and this is where I want to focus our attention this week. Some families produce and convey an annual family letter. This letter celebrates the accomplishments of the family as a group. It reminds the members what they accomplished together to further the mission of the family, the mission they all find their place in and support because they have carved their place in it and are recognized for doing so.

The family annual letter acknowledges plans that were undertaken and not accomplished not to blame but just to note in review the year. It is co-written by all family members who share their successes and initiatives that perpetuated and progressed the family mission. It often includes the family’s values, its mission statement and tells how the initiatives for the year sought to further the mission of the family. The family annual letter is a format to close the year in acknowledging successes and challenges.

The letter also carries a preview of goals for the year ahead. It frames the upcoming year so family members stay connected, enthusiastic and on point with their roles and responsibilities to the family as well as their individual goals. It is a terrific way to keep the family connected. It is a phenomenal tool to keep a record of the past while driving momentum into the future.

My family has created an annual letter for over twenty years. What about you-what have you done or what will you start this year to keep your family connected?