Is Silence Always Golden?

Think back for a moment, back 2 generations and bring your grandparents to mind.  Can you name all 4 of them? If you can, I have another question for you: can you name their hobbies and interests …for all 4 of them? And if you can, I have one more question for you:  do you know what they stood for, or, said differently, what they believed in? Interesting? You are an exception if you know what even two of your grandparents believed in.

Now, join me as I take you one generation further back. How many of you can name your great grandparents…all 8 of them? In a room of 100 people, when I ask this question, I am amazed at how few can name all their great grandparents.

With the first set of questions, usually about 95% of the room can name their grandparents, about 65% can name their hobbies or interests, and less than 20% can name what all four pf their grandparents stood for.  Going back one generation further it is rare when more than 3% can name their great grandparents.  This is tragic because research has shown how beneficial it is for a child’s well-being to understand their family’s storied history.

In the 1990s, Dr. Duke, a psychologist at Emory University, along with a colleague, Dr. Robyn Fivush, tested a hypothesis. This initial thought was developed by a psychologist who found, while working with children that “The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges.”  Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush developed a measure to test this hypothesis.  From responses, they concluded that the more people knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, their higher their self-esteem and the successfully their believed their families functioned.”

Is silence always golden? No! How are you sharing your family story?

For more information, read here: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html

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2 Critical Issues Facing Family Businesses

For families with businesses, there are two big problems that surface as the family grows and ensuing generations get involved or migrate away from the family business.

Conversations about the business that may have started in the living room at home, moved to the kitchen, then a conference room then to a board room, often become a struggle as families grow and as individual agendas develop. Working well together, across generations, can become tense when visions are not aligned, and responsible stewardship is not defined. Competing and contrasting priorities due to generational differences, ownership positions, and desires for the business as contrasted with desires for the family harmony, surface.

It is not natural to manage such complexity. Like a garden who needs proper care and maintenance to stay healthy, relevant, and vibrant, a family is best served by developing a disciplined and purposed component to their family and family business dealings and becoming responsible stewards of what they are growing and eventually, passing down.

Determining an initial purpose to both the family and family business initially separate the two entities so they can clearly define themselves independently. Agreeing on and articulating the value, vision and mission of each entity across generations is key to being responsible stewards. Adapting and becoming comfortable with change is the responsibility of each generation.

Questions to consider asking at home:

  • Who do we want our family to be, as a family?
  • What do we want our family to represent in the community?
  • What is important to us as a family: what do we believe in? What do we stand for?

Creating purpose, mission, vision and family teams to develop the family’s success goes a long way to sustaining intergenerational trust and sustainability.

Questions to consider asking about the business:

  • What is the purpose and mission of the business?
  • Is the business meant to develop as a business or build family wealth?
  • What do we need to do to support our working together?
  • How do we communicate business information so it does not take over or interfere with the family environment?

Knowing the purpose of the business, communicating that to the family, developing trust in leadership development are all critical to successfully passing a business legacy and leadership from one generation to the next.

The Family Story is Powerful to Children

Several years ago, Emory University commissioned a study. The study was hosted by two prominent Emory psychologists, Robyn Fivush and Marshall Duke, and a former graduate student, Jennifer Bohanek. They wanted to understand the impact of family stories to a family’s dynamics with their adolescent members.

“Family stories” the researchers wrote, “…help children understand who they are in the world.” These unique and important stories help children understand who they are and where they come from, in a different way, but akin to the DNA tests available for us to take today. Neither of these will tell us who we are going to become, but they do shed light into that which brought us here.

The power of the important story is its experiential transmission of connectivity. Before this study, researchers had an inkling that family stories contributed to a child’s well-being and identity but had not measured their ideas. Now there was evidence. The study found that the teenagers in the study expressed “…higher levels of emotional well-being, and also higher levels of identity achievement, even when controlling for general level of family functioning.” Wow!

Although this is the first study of its kind to use a Do You Know Scale of measurement, it certainly is, for some, an eye opener, while for others, confirmation, on the power of important family stories.

What is your family’s story; not the where when or how, but the story of who and the why of the family? Your family story is a thread, a  link to identity and connection. Tell it to your family.

Give Your Family Its Wings

Are you building your wealth only to see it gone by the time your great, great grandchildren are growing up and asking about their roots? Most families do not keep ancestral footprints. You can change that by creating a living and engaging family history, footprint, and legacy.

According to research done by The Williams Group, who researched families of great wealth,  70% of families with  assets and stories, values and meaning, will find their money gone by the end of the 2nd generation. Shocking? For those 70%, probably yes.

The research continued to find that 90% of families are unable to have their wealth pass on beyond the third generation, in other words, beyond their grandchildren.  Why is this?

Families survive and thrive not by money transfers alone, the above statistic evidences that.  Families stay together because of a “why.” This “why” is the glue that voluntarily keeps them unified. This “why” includes the history of who you are, where you came from, what shaped you. It is your family’s living legacy.

Consider this: the etymology of Legacy according to the Online Etymology Dictionary stems from the 14th Century French: “legate-body of persons sent on a mission”, and from the middle Latin “ambassador or envoy.” Give your family its wings by creating its legacy. This will keep them connected for generations well beyond your initial contributions.

The Family with a Mission Sets a Cornerstone of Longevity

When I ask people about experiences they have had with the transition of wealth in their families, often, I get a shake of the head followed by a story of at least one person or one family branch creating an issue with the terms of distribution. This is still astounding to me, twenty years plus of asking this question.

Why, today, in our “enlightened states”, where information and coaches are ever present, do we fall into patterns that have been around for centuries? Why do we have to say: “My family is different” or “They get along. They’ll figure it out” only to find our families are right in the mix of fallen, disrupted, and broken families? I really do not get it.

What are we so afraid of uncovering that we would rather avoid, deny or hide it than seek to overcome it?

Many people think that merely preparing the assets for their eventual distribution is the answer to passing on an estate successfully. But those of you who have experienced, or, know of a family where distrust or antipathy, cloaked in polite communication, know a great mistake left  irreparable consequences.  Families are torn apart when instead they could have learned how to stay connected.

Becoming a legacy family means preparing the beneficiaries, your family members, to receive the assets. It means understanding the purpose of the wealth and the purpose of the family so the two can co-exist with agreement, understanding, and with stewardship that passes on what it has received and cultivated to the next generation.  Becoming a legacy family means looking at each other, understanding what you want to accomplish together and finding that place of agreement through shared values and inclusivity. Legacy derives from the word legate or mission. When a family has a mission, it sets a cornerstone of longevity.

I will stop here to give you an opportunity to soak in the essence of what has been conveyed here.

concrete hallway between white pillars and building

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The Hero’s Story is Significant

 

Over the holidays, I attended the annual Seattle Business Magazine’s Family Business Awards Dinner. It was a fantastic event, honoring family businesses who deserve recognition in categories such as: Best Practices, Community Involvement and Family Business of the Year.

During the dinner, Chris Schiller, Managing Director of Cascadia Capital, gave a compelling introduction to the Family Business of the Year award.

I would like to quote Chris, as I thought his words were applicable to those of us who ork in guiding and consulting with family businesses and/or their families.

Chris began his talk by saying: “In thinking about tonight’s wonderful celebration of family business, it struck me that the eminent mythologist, writer and lecturer, Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, is much like the story of family business. All of the family businesses in this room have followed a similar path to Joseph Campbell’s hero, with you or one of your family taking the risk to start a company, then embarking on the journey of building your business, meeting tremendous challenges and personal struggles on the journey, finding various mentors (maybe including the family business advisors in this room) to help you overcome those challenges, and then crossing over into a period of transformation that leads to your ultimate success as a business and a family.

For all of you family businesses in this room, you likely have not arrived yet… rather your story continues to grow with your current generation and the next generation coming up. Often the journey is more important than the destination, as they say.

As investment bankers, my Cascadia colleagues and I live in a world of left brain… financial statements, revenue and EBITDA, numbers. Often the value of a business is ascribed largely to these numbers. However, what I have learned and what drives us, rather, is the stories of our family business clients. We are able to exercise our right brain to tell our client’s story to the market in a way that we find the optimal partner that embraces that story, and thereby sees value that others do not see in just the numbers. These stories are really what drives our passion for working with family business. “

These words were inspiring for me. Thank you, Chris, for speaking them and then letting me share them here. The story of the business is so important for families who continue their businesses across generations.

Holiday Family Giving Conversations Can Reap Great Benefits

At a recent University alumnae dinner, the host asked the attendees, to indicate, by a show of hands,
who engaged in family philanthropy. Nearly the entire room or about 150 guests raised their hands. But when the host followed up by asking who engaged the family in a conversation about the meaning of philanthropy and the impact they want their donations to have both for the organization (s) and the family, only 2 raised their hand.

With the holidays providing a favored setting for family conversations, perhaps this can be an appropriate setting to start a conversation about the impact of giving for the family.

Remember these 3 tips to make your conversation more engaging, should you choose to initiate a family conversation on charitable giving. Know and communicate the intention of the conversation and its intended outcome. Keep the conversation friendly and inviting rather than judgmental and limiting. Have an inclusive conversation by ensuring that everyone has an opportunity to say what is on their minds and in their hearts, without interruption.

When each member feels heard, understood and included, they feel connected. This connection can reap great benefits for families as they initiate or develop their family giving.

Holidays and giving, bring it home for deeper cheer.

Values have Power, Massive Power

Values, what is the point of focusing on them? Although we rarely talk about them, our values are the foundation of ethical action. Values are both personal in their meaning, aligning with personal beliefs and universal in their understanding of its relative importance in people’s lives. Values have been studied by various disciplines such as philosophy, psychology, anthropology, sociology, history, theology, art, marketing, and behavioral sciences. Yet most of the time, we are oblivious to their impact, influence or importance in our lives. It is as if we want to prove values are unimportant by doing or being anything else than what our values direct us to do or be.

For example, I know that I can fill my time with activities, activities that ensure time is being spent and filled without thought to their significance to living a meaningful life. I can make piles, I can get the piles done, I can schedule, I can even avoid contacting people I am thinking about in favor of “getting things done.”

But all those return to their proper secondary or tertiary position when I ask myself these questions or reflect on the statements I am going to ask you to consider. As I reflect on the responses, it recalibrates my focus to that which is truly important to me. I think it may do the same for you.

• You have been asked to lead a team of advisors, all of whom are dedicated to their work and all of whom are committed to a best outcome: what values do you want to bring to this new team?
What other values do you think would be valuable for this team to consider?
• Describe what led you to pick these values.
Define these values with the relevance and meaning they have for you.
• Identify one of your top values. Talk about an experience where you expressed that value well.
• Think of a person in your life, who, in the last five to ten years, has had a powerful, positive impact on your life. Describe how they impacted you and how that experience has enriched your life.

Now, step back for a moment. See how you have just connected to your values and how that has affected you just now. Values have power.

Let me know what you experienced that brings your values to the forefront of your life.

The Purpose of the Family Money is a Key Ingredient to the Family’s Mission

You probably know, or at least have read, about the benefits to developing your own purpose and having your own mission. It clarifies your life, making your life simpler. You build direction, energy, and an added dollop of vibrancy. Phil Knight said of purpose, in his memoir, Shoe Dog, “If you’re following your calling, the fatigue will be easier to bear, the disappointment will be fuel, the highs will be like nothing you’ve ever felt.”

Now, what if this idea of creating a purpose or mission was added to a family’s culture? Would that be novel? Although it might be for your family, it turns out that most families who have stayed connected across generations, have done just that, created their sense of purpose and/or mission. Why? Because doing so creates a bridge of connection in which a sustained feeling of harmony and unity is fostered. It has to. Each family member has bought into this sense of purpose. They are all supporting this mission in ways that mean something to themselves personally as well as for the benefit of their family in generation after generation.

A key ingredient in this family purpose is the purpose of the family money. Money moves and without purpose, it moves aimlessly. When there is a purpose to the family money, it becomes easier to talk about money. This is so because there is a framework around the money with its boundaries and limits, opportunities and possibilities. When family members are included in developing the purpose of the family money, they can determine how and when to use it and as importantly, understand the relevance of this shared money as contrasted with their own money.

Tell me what went through your mind regarding your family’s purpose and the purpose of the family money to the family spanning generations. I would love to hear your comments.

Responsible Stewardship is Key to a Successful Legacy

For families with businesses, there are issues that surface as the family grows and ensuing generations get involved or migrate away from the family business.

Conversations about the business that may have started in the living room at home, moved to the kitchen, then a conference room then to a board room, often become a struggle as families grow and as individual agendas develop. Working well together, across generations, can become tense when visions are not aligned, and responsible stewardship is not defined. Competing and contrasting priorities due to generational differences, ownership positions, and desires for the business as contrasted with desires for the family harmony, surface.

It is not natural to manage such complexity. Like a garden who needs proper care and maintenance to stay healthy, relevant, and vibrant, a family is best served by developing a disciplined and purposed component to their family and family business dealings and becoming responsible stewards of what they are growing and eventually, passing down.

Determining an initial purpose to both the family and family business initially separate the two entities so they can clearly define themselves independently. Agreeing on and articulating the value, vision and mission of each entity across generations is key to being responsible stewards. Adapting and becoming comfortable with change is the responsibility of each generation.

Questions to consider asking at home:
• Who do we want our family to be, as a family?
• What do we want our family to represent in the community?
• What is important to us as a family: what do we believe in? What do we stand for?
Creating purpose, mission, vision and family teams to develop the family’s success goes a long way to sustaining intergenerational trust and sustainability.

Questions to consider asking about the business:
• What is the purpose and mission of the business?
• Is the business meant to develop as a business or build family wealth?
• What do we need to do to support our working together?
• How do we communicate business information so it does not take over or interfere with the family environment?
Knowing the purpose of the business, communicating that to the family, developing trust in leadership development are all critical to successfully passing a business legacy and leadership from one generation to the next.

Leave me a comment on your thoughts or experiences on this important topic. I would be delighted to read your comments.