I was thinking about a client who was motivated to complete his estate plan. He had been diagnosed with a serious cancer threat and wanted to get his affairs in order.

As a business owner, you can imagine how this diagnosis impacted him. He and his wife thought about selling their business due to his diagnosis. As he was preparing his business for the best sale price, he was advised to put the business sale proceeds and his extensive property in trust, for the benefit of his wife and his adult children The trust would be managed by an third party trustee to relieve his wife of having to handle the assets and so his adult children did not have to manage the property.

But something prevented this business owner from signing the estate docs. Something wasn’t sitting right with him. It felt strange that his family would be removed from participating in family decisions regarding the money.

I was contacted as he and his wife wanted to talk to someone who works with family businesses to discuss challenges they can’t resolve.   

In my initial conversation, I learned that the gentleman was hoping his son would take over the business and that, one day his adult children would co-own the extensive property. His wife concurred with her husband in both areas.

I asked if he had talked to his adult children about his thoughts, and he responded that they merely told him to do whatever he thought best. I offered to talk to them to determine what they really wanted so he and his wife could move forward with their estate planning.

Why was I going to talk to the adult children?  Often, in families, a family culture and dynamics are built which overlay the family. Often the parents see their children as their children ( no matter the age)and the kids see their parents as their parents. Often, they don’t know how to have peer to peer (adult to adult) conversations without the family dynamic overlay. Having a neutral experienced third party, who can host these conversations can often bring out hidden intentions, motivations, and challenges in a safe and respectful environment. These can provide key information which can help inform the parents.

After my conversations with the adult children, I reported back to their parents. The dad, especially, was relieved to hear how one son was actively considering the purchase of the business from his dad, had talked about it extensively with his wife, and was prepared to leave his well-paying and secure position at a company in the area. But he had never brought it up with his dad, fearing he would be rebuked. As it turned out, all 3 children wanted to keep the property in the family and thought they could. With concerted effort and  conversations, they thought they could determine what roles each would take, how to deal with buyouts from each other, how to deal with issues they could not resolve, and other important considerations. They wanted agreements outlined and signed.  

6 months after I was introduced to this family, the father is in remission, his energy has strengthened, the business is doing better than expected. There are plans for a conversation with the son who wants to take over the business, and plans to talk to their children, in a guided conversation, about how to manage, own, and structure the future ownership and stewardship of the extensive property.

The business owner has resolved a lot of his estate planning issues when he looked at his why-His why was to keep the family together and intact so they could remain friends as they build their future and build the path for his son to take on a new venture, the continuation of the family business. His why drove him to his clarity and then to his actions to determine how to organize his estate plan for the benefit of his family.   Uncovering and expressing his why was a key element to his family building a stronger bond around the transition to a second-generation family business and a harmoniously agreed upon direction for the property that the estate planning attorney can now draft documents around that the gentleman and his wife are ready to sign.  

I was thinking about a client who was motivated to complete his estate plan. He had been diagnosed with a serious cancer threat and wanted to get his affairs in order.

As a business owner, you can imagine how this diagnosis impacted him. He and his wife thought about selling their business due to his diagnosis. As he was preparing his business for the best sale price, he was advised to put the business sale proceeds and his extensive property in trust, for the benefit of his wife and his adult children The trust would be managed by an third party trustee to relieve his wife of having to handle the assets and so his adult children did not have to manage the property.

But something prevented this business owner from signing the estate docs. Something wasn’t sitting right with him. It felt strange that his family would be removed from participating in family decisions regarding the money.

I was contacted as he and his wife wanted to talk to someone who works with family businesses to discuss challenges they can’t resolve.   

In my initial conversation, I learned that the gentleman was hoping his son would take over the business and that, one day his adult children would co-own the extensive property. His wife concurred with her husband in both areas.

I asked if he had talked to his adult children about his thoughts, and he responded that they merely told him to do whatever he thought best. I offered to talk to them to determine what they really wanted so he and his wife could move forward with their estate planning.

Why was I going to talk to the adult children?  Often, in families, a family culture and dynamics are built which overlay the family. Often the parents see their children as their children ( no matter the age)and the kids see their parents as their parents. Often, they don’t know how to have peer to peer (adult to adult) conversations without the family dynamic overlay. Having a neutral experienced third party, who can host these conversations can often bring out hidden intentions, motivations, and challenges in a safe and respectful environment. These can provide key information which can help inform the parents.

After my conversations with the adult children, I reported back to their parents. The dad, especially, was relieved to hear how one son was actively considering the purchase of the business from his dad, had talked about it extensively with his wife, and was prepared to leave his well-paying and secure position at a company in the area. But he had never brought it up with his dad, fearing he would be rebuked. As it turned out, all 3 children wanted to keep the property in the family and thought they could. With concerted effort and  conversations, they thought they could determine what roles each would take, how to deal with buyouts from each other, how to deal with issues they could not resolve, and other important considerations. They wanted agreements outlined and signed.  

6 months after I was introduced to this family, the father is in remission, his energy has strengthened, the business is doing better than expected. There are plans for a conversation with the son who wants to take over the business, and plans to talk to their children, in a guided conversation, about how to manage, own, and structure the future ownership and stewardship of the extensive property.

The business owner has resolved a lot of his estate planning issues when he looked at his why-His why was to keep the family together and intact so they could remain friends as they build their future and build the path for his son to take on a new venture, the continuation of the family business. His why drove him to his clarity and then to his actions to determine how to organize his estate plan for the benefit of his family.   Uncovering and expressing his why was a key element to his family building a stronger bond around the transition to a second-generation family business and a harmoniously agreed upon direction for the property that the estate planning attorney can now draft documents around that the gentleman and his wife are ready to sign.  

I was thinking about a client who was motivated to complete his estate plan. He had been diagnosed with a serious cancer threat and wanted to get his affairs in order.

As a business owner, you can imagine how this diagnosis impacted him. He and his wife thought about selling their business due to his diagnosis. As he was preparing his business for the best sale price, he was advised to put the business sale proceeds and his extensive property in trust, for the benefit of his wife and his adult children The trust would be managed by an third party trustee to relieve his wife of having to handle the assets and so his adult children did not have to manage the property.

But something prevented this business owner from signing the estate docs. Something wasn’t sitting right with him. It felt strange that his family would be removed from participating in family decisions regarding the money.

I was contacted as he and his wife wanted to talk to someone who works with family businesses to discuss challenges they can’t resolve.   

In my initial conversation, I learned that the gentleman was hoping his son would take over the business and that, one day his adult children would co-own the extensive property. His wife concurred with her husband in both areas.

I asked if he had talked to his adult children about his thoughts, and he responded that they merely told him to do whatever he thought best. I offered to talk to them to determine what they really wanted so he and his wife could move forward with their estate planning.

Why was I going to talk to the adult children?  Often, in families, a family culture and dynamics are built which overlay the family. Often the parents see their children as their children ( no matter the age)and the kids see their parents as their parents. Often, they don’t know how to have peer to peer (adult to adult) conversations without the family dynamic overlay. Having a neutral experienced third party, who can host these conversations can often bring out hidden intentions, motivations, and challenges in a safe and respectful environment. These can provide key information which can help inform the parents.

After my conversations with the adult children, I reported back to their parents. The dad, especially, was relieved to hear how one son was actively considering the purchase of the business from his dad, had talked about it extensively with his wife, and was prepared to leave his well-paying and secure position at a company in the area. But he had never brought it up with his dad, fearing he would be rebuked. As it turned out, all 3 children wanted to keep the property in the family and thought they could. With concerted effort and  conversations, they thought they could determine what roles each would take, how to deal with buyouts from each other, how to deal with issues they could not resolve, and other important considerations. They wanted agreements outlined and signed.  

6 months after I was introduced to this family, the father is in remission, his energy has strengthened, the business is doing better than expected. There are plans for a conversation with the son who wants to take over the business, and plans to talk to their children, in a guided conversation, about how to manage, own, and structure the future ownership and stewardship of the extensive property.

The business owner has resolved a lot of his estate planning issues when he looked at his why-His why was to keep the family together and intact so they could remain friends as they build their future and build the path for his son to take on a new venture, the continuation of the family business. His why drove him to his clarity and then to his actions to determine how to organize his estate plan for the benefit of his family.   Uncovering and expressing his why was a key element to his family building a stronger bond around the transition to a second-generation family business and a harmoniously agreed upon direction for the property that the estate planning attorney can now draft documents around that the gentleman and his wife are ready to sign.