Generosity Can Pay Long Lasting Dividends

Wow, money is going out to individuals, businesses, institutions, and non-profits. This not to say it’s enough, that’s another conversation. It is to say that is a gesture of help in crisis. This is a tremendous gesture, certainly the first time in my life to see the government allocating money so broadly. I think this could be a game changer. Time will tell. What do I mean by being a game changer?

We thrive on our independence, our sense of self-reliance, making something of ourselves. We applaud these traits. But sometimes, things can happen out of one’s direct or immediate control and assistance is greatly needed. We are there. This is when generosity is welcomed. 

I think this can become a defining moment when we understand the importance to assisting, quickly, to ease some tension. This is distinct from enabling or casual hand-outs. This is about casting out a net for those for whom a net keeps them afloat rather than falling into the mode of surviving.

For further thought, I pose this question: How can we be generous, supporting growth and self-reliance without sacrificing security, without enabling unhealthy behaviors?

Are you like the Egg Farmer or the Chicken Farmer with your Money?

There once were two chicken farmers. Each had a different perspective on the value of their product.

The first farmer valued his eggs. These eggs not only fed his family, they were also a hit in the markets where they were sold. He enjoyed the income his eggs produced He knew this was his security. He counted the eggs every day, minimized the breakage and got them to market quickly. He did not pay great attention to the chickens as he saw them merely as means to an end. He focused on the eggs. If a chicken didn’t produce the targeted number of eggs he had for that chicken, he replaced it with another chicken. His product was the egg.   

The second farmer raised chickens. Her chickens had diverse values to this farmer. They represented growth as the chickens themselves could multiply, providing her a permanent renewal source of fertilizer, food, and little chicks that grew to be chickens. They could be sold or added to the flock. These chickens also represented a source of nutrition to her family and the public, when their egg laying days were over. The chickens also produced eggs, another source of nutrition and income to this farmer. These chickens were well cared for and protected from predators and viruses.  The cost of the care was worth the diversity of income and sustainable growth to this farmer.

With money, some people are like the first farmer. They tend to look at money as having one use: income. like the egg farmer. Other people are like the second farmer. They view their money with a diverse perspective, encompassing growth and income.

Which farmer are you most like?

Which farmer would you like to be?

If you want to transform your money perspective, the Money Focus program is a program you may find useful in transforming your money anxieties to money mastery.  It takes you from where you are with your money behaviors and habits to where you gain control and mastery over your use of your money.

The egg or chicken farmer, which are you? Which do you want to be?

3 Smart Ideas to Manage your Money for Two Incomes

It’s one thing to gain mastery over your own money behaviors and habits but what about when you are in a relationship and the other person’s history, stories and standards with money may be very different than yours. Then what?

In my decades long work with people in helping them gain mastery over their money, I have seen many scenarios undermine couples’ trust with each other over money. Usually it’s a lack of an agreed upon system for money that undermines relationships with money and derails communication between them about their finances.

It’s common for couples to use one person’s income for the basic needs and living expenses while the other’s income is used for the extras like vacation, entertainment, home improvements and upgrades.  But what happens when one person loses a job or has a long term illness, or is on commission and earnings drop?

This system, like many system, may work, when things run “as planned.” But it is smart to think of a contingency plan.

Three alternatives that I like people to consider are:

1      Allocate percentages of both incomes to basic needs, discretionary spending, retirement/investing, donations, and savings. This way, the one with the variable income, knows their contributions are always part of the family “budget” and overspending is reduced when windfalls come in.

2      Determine a yearly budget for savings, investing, donating, basic needs and discretionary spending. Then allocate who and how each will be responsible for that area. Be clear about expectations and possibilities that could impact commitments made by each of you. Develop a system on how to deal with these possibilities that work for both of you.

3      Put all your money in the same account, then allocate to your categories according to agreements you have previously made. Be sure you allocate money to your own spending account about which you do not have to justify to the other person.

No matter which of these systems, another you adopt when there are two incomes, be sure to check in with each other monthly, to see how you each feel about the system you have agreed to use and tweak your agreements as appropriate. Remember to talk to each other respectfully and with the intention of finding a solution when one is needed, rather than attacking each other. It’s smart to manage your money.

Get Comfortable Talking about Money, Because Money Rocks

Money is still seen as a taboo subject. For some it’s considered rude to bring the subject up. I think some of this is because people are uncomfortable on how to broach the subject of money.  They don’t want to appear intrusive or jealous, or prying so they shun the subject or take it to the other extreme and become judgmental. They become reactive rather than responsive with money.

I like money and I like talking about it. It is fascinating to me to learn how people view money, what they do with it, what their fears about money are, what they like about money, how difficult it can be for them to talk about money in a relationship without setting off triggers.

Money is so much more powerful when you feel comfortable enough with it to be able to talk about it to discover what money means to you, how you can better deal with it. It is much freer than talking about money under judgment and unspoken expectations.

To take money out of the drama club, keep conversations about money inquisitive rather than judgmental, neutral rather than adversarial. Consider your intention before talking about money. Is it to scold, to judge, to imprint your money principles on another? If so, turn that judgmental attitude on yourself and ask yourself why this bothers you to the degree it does? What does the other person’s behaviors threaten in you? Is the money conversation to understand another’s perspective on money? If so, this can be a great pillar of support to them on their journey to money mastery.  They will be more likely to let you in to their life with money and partner with you on strategic conversations about money.  

Three sets of questions I like to use and bring to you for more engaging conversations on money are:

Question 1: How did you see money being used, when you were a kid? Follow this up with: How did you use money when you were young? How do you use money differently today?

Question 2: Which is easier for you: spending or saving? How is that affecting your life with money? This is followed up with: What two habits are you proud of sustaining for a productive life with your money?

Question 3: What does money mean to you? How does that align with what you want money to be in your life? How can I support you in what you want your money to be for you?

We tend to regard money in our own unique perspectives with our own history, stories, and experiences around money. It’s freeing to invite someone into a supportive conversation about money because… Money Rocks

2 Steps to Take Now to Reframe Unproductive Money Behaviors

According to a survey by Wells Fargo, nearly half (44%) of those surveyed said that money conversations were the toughest to have, more difficult even than religion, politics or death. If you find that you are one of those who find it difficult to initiate or be in important conversations, you will want to read further. Money holds a lot of judgmental emotions and tension as inappropriate behaviors can usurp the initial intention of the money topic.

Let’s examine the following situations: You are at a dinner with friends and the bill comes. What happens next? Do you grab the bill? Do you wait for someone else to make a move? Do you talk about splitting it in half or per everyone’s individual order?

And how about this situation: You are invited to join an “By Invitation Only” group on a long weekend retreat. The group really wants you to join them but you know you do not have the extra money put aside for this. What do you tell them? Do you make up another “reason” for not being able to join them? Do you tell them you will think about it as a way to avoid talking about it? Do you put it on a credit card knowing it will take you eighteen months to pay it off as well as the other items on your credit card accruing interest each month?

It is so easy in these situations, and many others, to keep your thoughts to yourself; those thoughts like: “Let’s split the bill per each individual’s order.” “I can’t come this year, but let me know the cost for next year, so I can save up for it.” You do not want to appear different, inadequate, or bothersome. You want to do what everyone else is so seemingly agreeable to doing.

Unresolved money conversations create tension because you add a perspective of shame, guilt or judgment about you and money. But when you start talking about money openly and without the shame, guilt, or judgment built into the conversation, you can develop respect and understand around money and your role with it. But how do you do this?

There are two steps you can take immediately to begin to reframe your behaviors with money. The first is to understand what money was like growing up for you. I call this understanding your money stories. Begin by asking yourself: “How was money talked about when I was little?” “What did I do with allowances or financial gifts that I received when I was growing up? How did I talk with my friends about money when I was a teenager?” These and many other questions will give you insight into your own early views on money. You will probably recognize patterns you use today due to your early associations with money.

The second step you can take is to determine how you are going to handle money situations when others are involved, before the event happens. If you are going out for dinner with others, you can send a quick text to share your idea of splitting the bill. Prepare a response when you are asked to join events you cannot afford. Letting people know you have not allocated an amount for a particular “retreat” or other event to your budget presents a sense of responsibility with your money.

I know this just scratches the surface of changing money behaviors and habits but I thought it was important to talk about this.

Let me know how you handle money so money is an ally to you and your goals in life. I would be delighted to hear from you.