Have you ever wondered why your spouse or partner is not on the same page with you when it comes to money conversations?
Do you avoid money conversations because they break down before they even begin?
Do money conversation dissolve into personal attacks or innuendos?
Is it hard to stay on a money topic due to anxiety about hurting someone’s feelings about their money behaviors?
It’s not easy to talk about money when you have widely different opinions on money topics.
What can you do to find common ground and allow the other person into the money conversation, safely, respectfully?
Instead of escalating into personal attacks your conversations can become oases of understanding and mutual agreements. Start using the 3 keys that support money conversations that build common ground.
- The first key is active listening. Active listening is being attentive to your partner/spouse’s intention with the words they are using. Focusing on their intention refocuses your attention to their needs rather than on your own agenda.
- The second key is inquiry. You must sincerely want to know what makes you when it comes to money. What experiences with money have enhanced your life with money? What experiences have weakened your money behaviors? Ask your spouse about their early experiences with money. You are likely to learn something useful when you actively listen to their perspective rather than be ready to judge.it. Sincere inquiry can build bridges of understanding about people’s motivations and triggers around money.
- The third key is purpose. What is your purpose with money? Many people don’t know so money becomes an undefined yet very subjective part of their life. This can cause frustrating rifts as consistency cannot be defined. Together, build your combined purpose for combined family money. Then, separately, build your purpose to your own individual money. This reduces the tendency to control others’ money. Be in control of your money while in partnership with your partner/spouse on your “together” money.
Money is an everyday tool that we need to learn to work with. It’s not something we inherently know how to deal with well. Try these 3 keys to making your money conversations more peaceful and purposeful.
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